Uncharted Waters
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: Jamie ponders his decision to accept his first under cover assignment and what repercussions might be coming. Post ep 2.01 'Mercy'  contains some spoilers


**Title: Uncharted Waters**

**Summary:** Jamie ponders his decision to accept his first under cover assignment and what repercussions might be coming. Post ep 2.01 'Mercy' (contains some spoilers)

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing from Blue Bloods except my own purchased season 1 DVD collection :D

**A/N:** Okay so the looooong wait for season 2 is finally over and what an awesome eppy it was! Full of the angst, tension and family stuff we loved from season 1 oh and Jamie undercover – SCORE! :D Okay so I would think that when Jamie accepts his first under cover assignment that he'd have at least a year experience and he's not a rookie any more so am going with that. Hope that's okay.

_"Words in italics and double quotes – directly from the eppy."_

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><p><em><strong>~2 days earlier~<strong>_

"So first big undercover assignment," Danny grins at me as he nears me in the locker room after shift. "Guess I can't call you rookie no more."

"Danny I've been…"

"Yeah yeah I know on the job for a year now. Good you learned a few things," Danny smirks. "So wanna talk to your big brother about it?"

"It's nothing major. Just to bust some local drug pusher at one of the local bars," I shrug as if its no big deal. But my brother isn't to be fooled for a second; he can see the uncertainty in my eyes and is quick to call me on it. I wonder if I'll ever be able to truly mask my emotions from him.

"Jamie," he leans in closer, his tone going all fatherly, "I can tell you're nervous and that's normal."

"Danny I'm fine," I insist. "It's gonna be fine."

"Okay then," he pats me on the back as he turns to leave.

"But um…" my quiet nervous tone quickly pulls his gaze back to me. "You know if you have any pointers or anything," I shrug, trying to act as normal as possible, "that would be um…great."

At that moment I can see that he sees right through me. But his eyes aren't looking to find fault, they are seeking things – outward signs that I have to hide to keep myself alive and my cover in tact.

"No remorse okay."

"Huh?"

"Your eyes, they express concern and feeling. This guy...is probably used to sniffing out cops. The best thing you can do when you arrive is remain expressionless, normal…casual. You enter the bar and…who are you paired with?"

"Don't know yet. Renzulli is making the um assignments."

"Okay fine whoever," Danny's hand gently rests on my shoulder as he pulls me in a bit closer, away from listening ears. "As soon as you walk in, you're alone. You got that? That could be the only thing that saves your ass. You don't know your partner, you don't nod to other cops…I know you know this but as soon as you walk in there not in uniform it's a whole other ballgame," Danny stops quickly calling me on my small huffed exhale. "You're gonna be nervous as hell and uncertain; just don't let it show."

He looks at me with a frown and I quickly shake my head.

"Danny I'm fine. I know the basics okay?"

"It's your first real undercover assignment and they picked you and this particular perp because they think it'll be easy; don't fall into that trap. This guy…could still pull out a gun, knife…phone call to his buddied – whatever right? Something goes astray you just roll with it but under no circumstances when you are undercover make yourself known before the job is up. Its better to walk away with your cover still in tact than to offer a good ole piece of the shield and screw it for someone else."

"And what if he makes me?"

"Then you're screwed for sure," Danny smirks and I have to just roll my eyes. "If he comes right out and calls you a cop, never mind, just nod your head and leave. Sometimes though he could be fishing you out. So if your gut tells you to stay, act cool – do that. If it tells you to tuck tail and run – do that as well. Sometimes our gut could be the major difference between life and death."

"Okay," I nod a small look of panic flashing in my eyes that immediately radiates in his direction, forcing him to look around and then lean in once more.

"If things go south and I mean really south – gun is pulled whatever, you do what you have to do to survive. Your life is more important than the job and if this one gets away there will be another coming after you to take him down."

"Danny…"

"Jamie I don't want to lose another brother okay?" He finishes warmly. "Just keep your wits."

"Suddenly I'm nervous," I confess with a heavy sigh.

"Means you're ready."

"What?"

"If you were to act like it was no big deal you'd be makin' classic mistakes when you go in there. Trust me these guys can smell cops a mile away. As soon as you walk in, you head for the bar, order a beer, keep your eyes forward for about ten minutes. You don't see your partner, whoever it might be and you don't look around, like your scopin' the crowd. Those dealers are lookin' for that. Make small talk with the bar tender and watch the TV. If the dealer is there, he'll think you're a regular guy and that'll give you some credit with the bar tender who could also be workin' with this guy. You don't know that right?"

"No."

"Wait for the right moment; might not be the first time you meet him, but it might…trust your gut okay?"

"Okay," I respond with a tight lipped smile.

"You're gonna be fine. I remember my first."

"Were you scared?"

"Sh…like crap," Danny smirks and I somewhat relax. When I look at my older brother I would never guess that he would have been scared of anything at anytime in his life. Sure I'd heard the stories when he came back from his military duties but was is scary; this is police work; nothing compared to that. And while I know he confides most stuff to Linda, I'm always happy when he tells me things like this, I don't feel so alone after all.

"And at the end of the day it's just a job right kid?" Danny playfully slaps me on the back. "Speaking of bars, you um…wanna grab a beer?"

"Sure. You buying?"

"Hey don't push your luck," Danny nods toward my locker. "Finish changing."

XXXXXXXX

So here I sit, in the roll call room waiting for my first few official instructions from my former partner. For a split second, I wanna stand up and tell them this is all a mistake and I want back on the beat where I can predict most things. Undercover is a whole new ball game for me as you can't predict what the person you're trying to arrest is going to do. I have never been in this situation and suddenly all those silly emotions that Danny said I'd feel and I merely laughed at are starting to assault my mind and I'm feeling nervous.

_"Reagan you're gonna be workin' with Atwater."_

I glance over at him and nod. I know him and he's a good cop, has only a few years on me but that's good right because that means he'll be more experienced and give me the peace of mind I need right now.

_"If you're goona drink it's maximum two drinks – make it less," Renzulli smirks and the room gently chuckles._

Two beers I can handle, but I'll stick to one and just try to drag it out and hope that things happen between the space of the top being popped and the last sip being taken. We get the rest of our instructions and I head up to my former partner with an uneasy smile. I'm gonna miss riding with him.

_"Eyes wide open. I want my favorite driver back in one piece," Renzulli reminds me with some seriousness but then ends with a smile. _

"Thanks. You taught me well so um…hey I learned from the best right?"

"Just keep your wits about you kid and you'll do fine."

And that was it, no more pep talk, Atwater is waiting and it's time to get into the field. Suddenly I feel like I wanna throw up. I know it's just nerves, so I head for the door and try to listen to what Atwater is telling me but all I can hear is some growing booming and I wonder if I'll regret this decision.

We enter the bar about ten minutes apart and of course go our separate ways; we had made our plan over the phone before we even arrived.

_'Remember Jamie, as soon as you arrive head for the bar, DO NOT look for Atwater,' _Danny's words ring loud and clear in my head as head for the bar and order a beer. At first nothing happens and my anxiety starts to grow. Oh how I wish Danny were here to just keep me company as some guy; talking to me like it was no big deal. However, I know that if he were here and the two of us were seen as being together, the job would never happen. I feel so alone right now.

The next few events happened so fast I hardly had time to think. Two hot blonds come and sit down, one on either side of me. The guy part of my brain was lovin' the attention but the cop part was yelling at them to go away before they ruined things or I gave myself away. Then the unexpected.

_'There will also be unexpected things tossed into the mix,' Danny had warned me. 'Just go with it and try to keep your cover in tact. No matter what – it means your life.'_

_"You tryin' to pick up my girlfriend?"_

_"Uh no…."_

_"Just stay away!" The boyfriend growls as he pushes me into the next male patron beside me._

I turn to the man and mumble a small apology and then suddenly my whole world is turned upside down.

_"I know you…"_

Oh no! What? I look at his face…begging my brain to make the connection. Where do I know him from? I don't…is he bluffing? Have I arrested him? Gone to school with him? Damn!

_"I don't think so," I offer in my weak and nervous defense. Damn I hope my smile seems genuine._

_"Yeah I know you…no I do…I know you…it'll um…it'll come to me."_

I watch him leave and then look back at my beer, wanting to bolt for the door. But I remember Danny's warning that he could just be trying to get a rise from me, so I merely shrug and then turn back to my beer; my heart rate so high I'm surprised I haven't passed out yet. But a few minutes later he comes back and I look up in wonder.

_"I remember you from Stardust…back in the day."_

_"Stardust…" I laugh weakly. Okay that's my cue right? _So I go for it...asking for a hit and then hold my breath. Things don't go as planned and suddenly I'm spiraling out of control.

_"See that guy behind me? He's a cop. I can always make a cop."_

And that's it…he's gone and I glance quickly at Atwater and then back at my beer and curse. _Damn it! _Does that mean he suspects me also? Or was he just telling me that or…what? What the hell do I do? So far nothing has gone the way I had planned so far and I'm once again wondering if I'll be a failure at my first undercover assignment. But that's it I wait for about twenty minutes and I'm done…the night is over and I leave. As much as I don't want to, I need help and I know only one source for that. I know it's late but I know Danny won't mind.

"So what exactly happened?" Danny asks on the phone.

"Danny, that's it," I groan as I slump down onto my bed in my quiet apartment. "He made Atwater and then left. What did I do wrong?"

"From what you told me? Nothin'. He's probably just be playing you. Tomorrow night you'll go back and then you'll know for sure. If he doesn't show up then you've been made, if he does – go with it. Jamie you're gonna be just fine."

"Right…thanks."

"Don't sweat it okay? It's gonna be fine. Even if you were made – so what? It's happened to the best of us," Danny chuckles and my face finally relaxes. "Get some sleep and start tomorrow fresh. You'll be fine."

It wasn't longer than a ten minute call but as soon as Danny hangs up my mind is at ease and my sense of confidence renewed. He sounded more proud than disappointed and that gave me hope that maybe my cover is still intact. With that thought now being mulled over in my mind, I slip under the covers and turn off the light; telling myself that I'll get this guy tomorrow.

XXXXXXXX

I enter the bar with my stomach in knots. Dad's pep talk was okay but it was Danny's few added pointers that made me feel inside that I was still the right guy for this job. Let's hope I feel that way in an hour when I fear he won't show up and I'll head back to the precinct and have to endure under cover 101 once again; this time with a different teacher.

_"Hey man…"_

I hear his voice and look up; he's back and my cover's still intact. I tell myself to be cool and not act like I'm eager to see him and get this done. He makes some petty small talk about the fake girl I mentioned yesterday and then mentions the drugs.

_'If you don't know something ask. If you pretend and you don't, he'll see through it and call you on it.'_

I don't know the drugs so ask and am thankful that he tells me in a way that makes me feel less than the internal idiot I'm calling myself right now. However, as soon as I tell him I'm in, he says he's first and heads for the bathroom to sample the goods. Wait a sec…where's my deal? How can I bust this guy if he won't pull out the drugs or invite me to go with him. Once again things don't go as predicted and he comes back to the bar – stoned. Damn I can tell he's high, I wasn't expecting this.

_"You okay?" _I ask but the question is moot as he stumbles, hits his face and his nose starts to bleed. _"Help me…call 9-11," _I plead with the bartender who will have nothing of it. I can't blow my cover so have to still pretend I'm just some guy, another patron helping out the guy I was talking to. Suddenly the night just got worse, no one wants to help.

_"He's high. Take him outside…get him outta here."_

_"I need help."_

_"Out - now."_

All I can do is keep him upright for as long as possible as we stumble out of the bar and I manage to get him over to a small bench and dial 9-11. So much for my first big bust. Now what? I wait with the guy who is completely zoned out until the ambulance arrives and then I leave. Did I screw up?

"Nah you did okay for what happened," Danny tells me after I come back from fishing with dad. "What did um dad say? Did he tell you who the guy really is?"

"Yeah and um…well it…surprised me. Why was he using if he…"

"Can't answer that as it surprised dad as well as me but um…"

"He doesn't want me to take another undercover assignment with him," I look over at Danny and frown.

"As a father I can't blame him. As your boss to get that kind of inside knowledge from an officer he trusts of course he's going to say yes."

"I don't know if I could do it again."

"Hey he only said he was askin' about you right? Probably just wanted to say thanks for saving his ass," Danny slightly grumbles. "Don't stress out before you need to okay?"

"Can't help it," I sigh as I lean forward on the bench and hand my head in my hands. "The mob Danny. I mean this guy isn't just some two bit neighborhood drug dealer."

"You think dad is the only one scared here?" Danny mentions softly and I look up in surprise. "If that call comes down the pipe we'll all be scared."

"Danny…why was he even using?"

"I...don't know. So let's play that basketball we came here to play and pretend we are just two brothers not talking about work."

"Okay."

I follow Danny onto the court, knowing his reasoning for not wanting to push any further the repercussions of my first nearly botched undercover assignment. So far my cover was intact and that was a sigh of relief for all of us. But would it remain that way? I don't exactly have just a run of the mill family. What if something goes wrong? What if I'm made on my next meeting? What if…what if I don't even get the call and I'm worried for nothing?

"Hey kid…you with me?" Danny calls, breaking my thoughts.

I look up and nod as he tosses me the ball. All I know right now is if I do get the call there is on one else on this planet that I'd want guiding me into uncharted waters. That small thought gives me comfort as we start into our game.

**THE END!**

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><p><strong>AN:** Okay so feel I am a bit rusty after the long break and concentrating only on my long story (Sins) but I hope you all liked this and please leave a review to let me know your thoughts and if you'd like more for the season. You know how I love my brotherly interaction so had to toss that in b/c the show didn't lol Thanks so much in advance.


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